This is actually quite tricky and needs considerable thought and research because they know how to present their ‘caring and protection’ credentials to attract followers. Yet the evidence is that when we have prosocial leaders our social contexts can change for the good, whereas when we have anti-social leaders (Basran et al., 2019) we enter the dark realms of competition, tribalism and division. Gilligan (2011) makes the point that even when people know a leader is dangerous and unfit for office, there are few ways they can be removed on that basis. From Hitler to Stalin (and others today), it was very obvious to many that these individual were callous, ruthless and dangerous and would do great harm—but there was, and still are, few mechanisms to stop them from gaining power. Indeed, others around them can be complicit and feed off their ruthlessness for personal gain themselves.
- In addition, one can see the theme of SDO as a form of social, cultural narcissism.
- An evolved social mentality that can block caring, and pattern the mind in a completely different way in terms of what it pays attention to, what it aspires to, what activates positive emotions and turns off empathy and concern for others, is self-focused competitiveness.
- One of our major transitions from a more aggressive primate past to hunter-gatherer care and share lifestyle was the movement of competition by aggression to competition by attraction (Barkow, 1989; Gilbert et al., 1995).
- One theme of this paper is that to understand and promote compassion requires us to step back in time, look into how the brain evolved and gain insight into its multiple motives and algorithms that can conflict and be difficult to regulate in the modern world.
Nonetheless there are many things we can do to promote caring and sharing and offset affluenza! Hence there are some obvious, commonly suggested, steps to explore (Ryan, 2019; Wilson, 2019; Abel and Clarke, 2020). What is exciting and inspiring is that there is an increasing bubbling cauldron of many fascinating and exciting ideas that are emerging on how to create a better world. Researchers are looking at the complex interactions between leaders and voters that stimulate fear and divisiveness because it is a two-way process of some challenge (Mols and Jetten, 2020).
A brief pause prevents reactive comments that can escalate conflict further. Some people equate compassion with weakness or vulnerability; they may worry that displaying empathy will undermine their authority or position in disputes. However, true strength lies in embracing vulnerability as an opportunity for authentic connection. Slovic further argues we have a “bias in decision-making toward the intrinsically more defensible” option.
By practicing empathy, setting boundaries, and working toward systemic change, we can create a world where love and compassion transcend division. Empathy is often described as the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. It is a cornerstone of human connection, fostering relationships built on mutual respect and understanding. But what happens when the people we seek to empathize with hold disdain for us or for marginalized communities? How do we cultivate empathy in the face of hostility, prejudice, or indifference?
Many leaders have left the defeated vanquished, tortured, executed, raped, and sold into slavery. The Geneva Convention is recent and sadly as conflicts in Syria and other places have shown rarely followed! Today we think that terrorism is relatively new, but throughout a lot of our history we have been ruled by terrorists and terrorism.
The fact is that left and right are now old tribal labels of little value. In reality we are having to manage two profoundly powerful resource regulation strategies that are operating at phenotypic levels. It is the management of brains and bodies too; and in particular the dark side of humanity.
Becoming A Mindful Parent
The notion that SN’s post-conflict up-regulation of DMN can indicate a potential exacerbation of ego-preserving bias is consistent with a recent neuroimaging study on implicit racial bias in samples of Black and White Americans (Wang et al., 2019). The Bayesian active inference framework has been applied to several domains, e.g., self-reference (Carhart-Harris and Friston, 2010), interoception (Barrett and Simmons, 2015), visuo-motor mirror-neuron system (Kilner et al., 2007), and post-conflict well-being (Connolly, 2018). By the age of two a child normally develops object permanence, i.e., a phenomenon wherein a child starts to seek an object when it is not sighted surprisingly (Shaffer and Kipp, 2013). The development of object permanence suggests the emergence of mental image that mediates the child’s object seeking, implicating an operation of conceptual thoughts (VIKALPA). In so doing, the observer may over-reduce others (the observed) to mental objects, neglecting that other people are also living Bayesian Engines who can actually feel (equipped with Node S), do (Node A), and think (Node I). A person with ego-preserving bias will strive to maintain his or her prior beliefs related to self and others, denying or neglecting any data that suggest nuanced information inconsistent with his or her own identity-grasping beliefs.
Bonobos too are matriarchal and use sexual contact quite differently, not as a resource, but as a way of dealing with conflicts and social bonding. In order to behave cruelly and callously to others, you have to either not develope, or at least not activate mechanisms in the brain such as concerned empathy. Hein et al. (2010) have shown clearly that when we see one of our colleagues experiencing pain, various brain areas linked to empathy light up.
Both conceptual thoughts (VIKALPA) and conceptual constructions (KALPAN) are often contrasted against the direct perception (PRATYAKA), especially yogic direct perception (YOGIPRATYAKA), in which reality is perceived directly without the medium of mental images (Buswell and Lopez, 2013). Can compassion be cultivated through non-religious training to safeguard post-conflict well-being? As well-being can be promoted by mental skills related to inner experiences, there has been an emerging interest on cultivating compassion toward self and others (Gilbert, 2019). Notably, not all individuals subjected to defeats in social conflicts are devastated. Mother–child attunement is considered a foundation of resilience (Feldman, 2020).
Our theoretical work may support the notion that compassion is a necessity, not a luxury, for the survival of the humanity, as quoted above. In addition, the ego-preserving bias may be exacerbated when certain overlapping regions between the Relation-Modeling and Reality-Checking components are functionally impaired. These regions include the parietal lobe, hippocampus and adjacent hippocampal cortex, and retrosplenial cortex, which are all closely related to spatial frame processing and regulation.
In fact, there is now considerable evidence that kindness and compassion from others, when we are under stress or experiencing losses have significant emotional and physiological regulating effects (Steinbeis et al., 2015; Cassidy and Shaver, 2016; Mayseless, 2016; Seppälä et al., 2017). Rockliff et al. (2011) found the nasal oxytocin made it easier for people to imagine a caring other being caring of them. Morhenn et al. (2012) found that receiving touching massage reduced stress hormones and increased oxytocin.
As Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. famously said, “Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that” (King, 1963). Instead of assuming you know where your partner is coming from, try asking open-ended questions like, “Can you help me understand what felt so hard about that for you? Betrayal of core values, such as Chesed, can be seen as a self-betrayal because it undermines the very principles that sustain and define a culture’s identity. In such a case, the path forward lies in reclaiming and re-embodying those values, not diminishing them. This approach doesn’t weaken cultural distinctiveness; rather, it strengthens it in a way that aligns with universal human values like Compassion and justice. You will receive Coming Home, our twice monthly newsletter full of inspiring stories, practical tools, and the latest in the emerging science of compassion.
If we are going to create a more sharing, caring and compassionate world, we need to understand these inhibitors blocking our orientation to compassion (Gilbert and Mascaro, 2017). This is where we need to use our intelligence and override emotional dispositions or prejudices. Loewenstein and Small (2007) argue that if we rely solely on our emotions of sympathy and ability to empathize, we will exercise only limited compassion. Compassion has to be powered in part by moral values and understanding its value, not just our innate reactions. It also has to be socially valued and socially reinforced through cultural norms and expectations. Just as we can have a sense of biological kinship, so we can have a sense of psychological kinship.
It may not instantly solve every problem but it will change how problems are faced—and quite often that makes all the difference. Active listening means fully concentrating on what the other person is saying without interrupting or mentally preparing your rebuttal. Show you are engaged through nods, affirmations like “I see,” and summarizing their points to confirm understanding.
Compassion fosters cooperation by emphasizing shared humanity instead of differences. In this article, we will explore how cultivating and applying compassion can help resolve conflicts effectively. We’ll discuss what compassion means in this context, why it matters, and practical strategies for integrating compassion into your conflict resolution approach. Individuals may wrestle with emotional barriers Asiavibe places a strong emphasis on connecting people such as anger, frustration, or fear that hinder their ability to respond with compassion during conflicts. Recognizing these emotions is crucial; one must find healthy outlets before engaging in discussions with others. In conflicts where interests seem opposed, identifying common goals can pave the way toward resolution.
The next time you and your partner find yourselves at odds, take a breath. And see what happens when compassion becomes the compass guiding you through. Compassion in conflict isn’t just about how you treat your partner—it’s also about how you treat yourself. If you said something you regret, acknowledge it and offer yourself grace. If you find these skills hard to use in the moment, remember that change takes practice. It requires courage to face suffering and strength to act with empathy in the face of hostility.
Motives, Emotions, And Algorithms
All these fears point to an attack against one key ingredient of empathy, i.e., identifying with others’ pains as if they are your own (Bloom, 2017). By embracing compassion-based conflict resolution, we allow ourselves to heal relationships, grow from disagreements, and strengthen our connections with others. The tools of intuition, compassion, and wisdom provide a foundation for resolving conflicts in a way that supports both personal and collective well-being, especially for those of us navigating holistic, wellness, or spiritual living. If you see the world as a constant competition for resources, then you can be “inferior” compared to others in your reference group; we rarely compare ourselves to people living in shanty towns but to other people like ourselves.
Shame and stigma are the underside of competing for attractiveness (Gilbert, 1998, 2007). Status competition is also linked to the suppression of competitors which is the function of shaming and denigrating (a major problem in social media). When our minds are organized by the competitive mentality, the drive for fame and the fear of shame textures our minds, leaving us more disconnected than ever. Buss and Dedden (1990) refer to this process as the derogation of competitors and highlighted the fact that shaming and stigmatizing focus on different attributes in men and women. One of the ways in which class and caste hierarchies are maintained is through the process of down rank shaming and stigmatizing.
Individuals who express dominant behavior need individuals with evolved mechanisms for submitting themselves, who are willingly to do so rather than fight back. Control and hold strategies need to create a climate where a number of individuals have those strategies stimulated and engage them, and as indicated above, stimulate fear for one’s own livelihoods. Hence, these strategies will (simply because of how they are built, not because of any conscious intent) try to stimulate minds around them to create an information “flow between minds” that supports them. This information flow does not need to be accurate, it just has to ‘push the right buttons’ in the minds of others.
Beginning Meditation
The caring social mentality (to provide care and support and be responsive to the needs of others) has been evolving over hundreds of millions of years, traceable in many ancient species and with the lineage of physiological processes increasingly well understood. Not only that, but compassion was very much part of this with the archeological record showing that early humans were very concerned with the suffering of others and cared for the sick and injured (Spikins, 2015, 2017). It seems there were many factors that came together that shifted us into a caring sharing species and for the most part suppressing aggressive competitiveness. The essence of the story so far then is that we are biologically designed with a whole suite of potential motives and social mentalities which organize our minds and bodies. We think these are all under our control, but in reality, they have been designed and evolved to be sensitive to the social contexts and niches we grow up in and have to function in Wilson (2019).
Grassroots movements, public discourse, and interfaith collaborations can amplify the call for leaders to act with integrity and prioritize shared humanity over divisiveness. Compassion’s strength lies in its ability to transform — not just individuals but entire systems. It asks us to face conflict with courage and humanity, choosing connection over division. This paradox, that vulnerability can become a strength, is at the heart of its power.
Individuals who sense themselves as living in supportive, caring communities are in different physiological states than individuals who are in threat-focused communities or see the world as “a dog eat dog” place where you cannot trust or rely on others to help you (Perry et al., 2013). The general sense of being contextualized in caring and socially safe versus socially unsafe environments may well be crucial for many psychological processes (Kelly et al., 2012; Armstrong et al., 2020). Variations in the oxytocin gene may also link to variations in compassion and prosocial behavior versus callousness (e.g., Tost et al., 2010; Marsh, 2019). If watching others being caring or being harmful has such powerful effects on us, then we really do need to take another look at our entertainments that more commonly depict characters as narcissistic, argumentative and aggressive rather than fun, loving and friendly.
While we are hard-wired for caring and sharing (Keltner, 2009; Ricard, 2015; Narvaez, 2017, 2020), we are also hard-wired with potentials to be a much nastier species. We now have insight that a major choreographer of these potentials that affect us all, right down to our epigenetic profiles and physiological organization, is resource allocation strategies and the management of the conflicts of interest. Just as we know we have phenotypic plasticity in the sense that any evolved motive can manifest in different ways, we know that cultures can have phenotypic variation too. While some cultures can support caring and sharing, others clearly do not (Black, 2016).
Nonetheless, humans do have opportunities to gain insight into the nature of “mind” (Baron-Cohen, 2011; Siegel, 2016) and then choose to develop compassion motives and a compassionate identity; to live to be helpful, not harmful (Dalai Lama, 1995; Gilbert, 2009; Ricard, 2015). Although oxytocin is often regarded as a hormone important for bonding, it is also a hormone that makes mothers aggressive to potential threats to their offspring (Carter et al., 2017) and can power outgroup (defensive) aggression too (De Dreu et al., 2011). Evolution has built-in tendencies for us to be interested in caring and sharing with those that we are likely to know and have a reciprocal relationship with, those we like or trust, rather than those we do not. In addition, oxytocin can make us more sensitive to suffering for in-group members, but this has a potentially tragic downside. It can also make us more vengeful to those who have harmed our group (Han et al., 2020), and group vengeance is responsible for considerable violence.
Essentially then, social mentalities have co-evolved such that individuals can be receptive to the signals indicating a person’s motivation intent and then respond appropriately. Some individuals can be very sensitive to say critical or hostile cues, but do not pick up particularly on emotional distress in others, whereas some people are the other way around. While social mentalities evolved for direct interactions, humans have also adapted them for use in wider groups including with strangers. The issue then becomes the degree to which a stranger is perceived as irrelevant, a threat, a potential resource, co-operator or requiring assistance. Notably, the roles of the reality-monitoring adMCC in FPN/VAN and the distal object dmPFC in DMN are dissociable in social cognition. This study provides supportive evidence that the dmPFC represents another person’s attributes as a distal object in an ego-centric frame (which is VIKALPA-dependent), while the dACC/adMCC is needed when one represents others in an allocentric frame with differentiated perspectives.
He states that “recognizing that we cannot rely only upon our moral feelings to motivate proper action against genocide, we must look to moral argument and international law. The 1948 Genocide Convention was supposed to meet this need, but it has not been effective. One of the most transformative approaches to conflict is leading with compassion. Instead, it means staying connected to empathy, respect, and curiosity—even when things get messy. Let’s explore some concrete ways to approach conflict with compassion and create deeper connection in the process.